Follow the Nudge

These are several blogs from our adventures and experiences over the last several days. We are currently in Mariato, Panama, which is much more rural than where we started our trip. We will do our best to continue to make regular posts to the blog, but if it ends up being a few days, we will be back in Panama City on Monday. Pictures will probably come Monday. But in the meantime, enjoy the following...

Dear Panama, you are definitely more than I expected. And beautiful pain is a great way to describe the way you’ve left me feeling after these first two days. Just to hold the hand of a beautiful girl with special needs. To have her speaking to me and not understand a word. To pray for her and have her wrap her arms around me and never want to let me go…is to feel the pure love of God in such a real way. As I was leaving, she said one word that I could understand, ‘recuerdo’, which means ‘I will remember’. I told her I love her and God loves her, and then I had to leave. But oh I didn’t know what to think. I sat silent on the bus on the way home to Paraiso, just as I am sitting silent on this 6 hour bus trip today to Mariato. I can’t help but remember the names of the eight kids I prayed for last night. Or the boy at the school who wanted so badly to salsa with me, that he pushed his friend aside when it was time to switch partners. I know God has a plan for every girl and boy that I have met, and that He also has plan for me. Yes, I might be familiar with this amazing culture, but I am continually being surprised and challenged with every experience. And I love it. Dios te bendiga! Love, Cassidy Sharrett

Dear Panama, I never expected this trip to be as impacting as it has been. This trip so far has been beautiful, but also very painful. The past two days spent in the orphanage and in the school left me attached to kids that I know I will never see again. I spent the days in the school teaching the third and forth graders English, Spanish, and bible study. They showed us so much love and so much gratitude. Calling us all teacher and calling me Miss. Emma. I spent most of the time with a girl named Marissa, She was in the class I was teaching. She came up to me crying and saying she had a headache, so I took her outside and held her for what seemed like hours. After we left we traveled to Malambo orphanage where I was one of the three people assigned to the toddler house. That was the house with kids ranging from a few months old, to two years old. We came in and helped with feeding and just gave the kids love. Immediately after coming in the first day one little girl ran up to me and would not let me put her down for the whole two days that we were there. Her name was Anitalia. If I even put her down for one second to stretch my arms, she would reach up and cry to be held again. These kids broke my heart when they called us all Momma over and over again to get our attention. These little babies were convinced that we were going to take them home and actually be their “Momma.” This trip has been full of beautiful pain. I just wish I could bring them all home with me! Love you all, Emma Collins

Dear Panama, I never thought I could fall in love with kids this easy. The very first day we were in the school Tyler and I went into the Kindergarten room just to goof off with the kids and sing songs and color. These kids had so much energy and everything they did made me laugh. I fell in love with a little boy named Aaron. I drew a picture and he liked it a lot so he drew the same thing, came over to me and put it down on the table. I looked at it and pointed at my picture. He nodded his head like he was saying “Yeah its just like yours!” I felt so touch and I hugged him and when I tried to let go he held on tighter. I spent the rest of the class holding him until his teacher said he had to go. The next day he remembered me. He ran up and hugged me and then turned around to look at his classmates while leaning against me. It made me feel so loved. At the orphanage I was one of three people who went to help out with the very young toddlers. The first day when we walked in the kids were eating their food and so we just went right in and started to feed them a rice and bean mix. When they were done in the next room a little girl ran up to me and sat on my lap. We all sat and bounced them on our laps and dipped them back and when they came up they had the most beautiful smiles on their faces and the would giggle and start to throw themselves back again and we would follow their actions and dip them and bring them back up. It was very hard to let these kids go. When you have three babies wanting to be held at the same time and everyone else has three babies to watch you are torn because all of them want to be high up but you have no choice but to sit. When one girl called me Momma I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to give her a false hope that I could take her home. She called me Momma twice and it broke my heart to leave her behind because I would love to have kept her but I cant and all I can do is pray she and the other kids we met grow up to be amazing people. As we left the toddler room on the second day all of the children ran up to the door and started yelling at us and giggling and smiling and I just wanted to go back in there and lift them all up and spin them around but I just waved and turned around and walked away. I will never forgot those babies and all the laughter and smiles they had and I hope that when they grow up they laugh just as much and they smile just as much and they are happy. I will never forget their faces and how they lit up when we walked to them and how their noses would scrunch up when they laughed and how their eyes would water when we put them down. I am going to miss them forever but I am so grateful that I got to spend the time I was given at the orphanage with them. Love, Mackenzie Nelson

Dear Panama, It’s only day 5 and I never want to leave. The first two days spending time in the orphanage with Gabbie and Chris with kids ages two to five have changed my life forever. I didn’t expect to get attached to them so easily. Hours of smiles, toys, cookies and adventures on the playground left me breathless at the end of it. One of the little girls was named Helen, she was two years old. When we got to the house with the children in it on the first day, she wouldn’t say a word to me. I tried to interact with her as much as I could but she was so shy. In the last hour we were there on day one she came up to me while a little boy of about eight was sitting on my lap and she joined him. The two kids on my lap were the kids that could make me smile in an instant. On day two I played with the two kids again. We collected toys, raced some “cars” or tricycles around the little outdoor patio and had a couple of booboos along the way. I have never, in my entire life smiled brighter than I did on that day. They caused me to feel what Mike would call “beautiful pain.” Leaving the orphanage brought numerous tears to my eyes knowing I would most likely never get to see these children again. In our debrief time at the end of the day, we lifted the names of the kids that impacted us to God. I was so thankful for Jim to be there for Gabbie and I. His prayers for us, the kids and the families were what helped us through the tears of beautiful pain by helping it be known that the future of those children would not be in our hands and it is all up to God. I will always remember all of those kids and that God has an amazing plan for them. I hope I impacted them as much as they touched my heart in ways I never thought possible. Love, Brooke Fisher

Dear Panama, Oh how I am amazed I am with the beauty here. Not only the country itself, but the people as well are so beautiful. The first two days spending time with the children was outstanding. Never have I felt such joy around little kids. Two little boys, Aaron and Angel, filled my heart with such joy that I started to cry. Aaron just wanted to be held and loved. Angel had so much energy and was willing to try anything. I taught him how to throw a football and he played catch with Mike and I for most of the time we were at the park. As we drove around I got to see how beautiful the country was. Green trees and grass, but not like back home. Leigh and I picked mangos off a tree outside the house and ate them fresh. Never have I had such a delicious mango. I love it here! The people are amazing and so welcoming. The weather and the landscape are just as beautiful. I never want to leave this place and I know it will hurt me to say goodbye. I never imagined I would love it this much. Love, Tyler Stolz

As one of the privileged adult volunteers (however, most of the students would debate my “adult” status!) I’ll never cease being amazed about what God can and will do when we get away from the trappings of the “good life“. The illusion of stuff to make you happy is never more evident than on a trip like this. To see our students “unplug” and really love others as Jesus taught, to serve as He did, to engage with others is really heartwarming. To have a front-row seat for all of this is truly humbling. In just the short time we have been here, several of our students are looking at missions or working with children as their life work. When your students come home, they will be filthy, smelly, tired, and have lots of really icky laundry. But they will be different. They are changing. You WILL have a different student coming back home. Please continue to pray for broken hearts, humble attitudes, ears that hear, and reactions to “the nudge”.

Blessings,

Jim Graffe